So for some context, I am taking a class at my college called Public Solitude: Solo Theater. For one of my homework assignments, we had to choose a new beginning from a previous performance from one of our peers in class. I chose to explore the theme of being your own self-critic and holding the burden of the past. So I wrote this piece called TEN and it explores Ten things that I have never let go until now. For my piece, I gathered ten rocks, each different in size representing every number up to ten. I placed them in a row on the floor in a line. And for each number, I read what burden it represented and placed that rock in the backpack and put it upon my shoulder. I did this for each number until I got to ten, with all the rocks in the bag representing ten. Then after that, I breathed ten times in and out and drop the bag and the burden and began a new start of TEN. Here is the piece below: 

​One is the number of boyfriends I have had ever because for some reason, I believe that I don’t deserve love, even though I know I do. 

Two is for the too too many times I’ve been told I’m not black enough, not pretty enough, not capable enough, not worthy enough. 

Three is the number of times I’ve restarted writing this piece because I want it to be perfect, but I keep forgetting there’s no such thing. Remember, No Judgement, No Comparison, No Expectations 

Four is the number of close friends I have here even if they never take a word I say seriously 

Five is the number of mental breakdowns I’ve had since I was 12 years old. 

Six is the number of times I cry in a day for a number of reasons I cannot begin to explain right now because it’s still somewhat unclear to me. 

Seven is the years it took me to understand that my grandfather’s death was not my fault 

Eight is the number of years I’ve been writing poetry even if recently I haven’t written anything because I feel so lost, so empty, just nothing. 

Nine is for the number of ways I’ve envisioned I could kill myself if I ever did decide to, but I know that I won’t because I don’t have the courage and I’m not ready to face and find out what happens after I die because I’m afraid 

Ten is for the tens and millions of times I’ve had to tell myself “I Love You” because it was neglected to be told from certain people in my life. Ten is the number of breaths it takes for me to inhale and be alright. Ten is the number of steps it takes for me to start again. 

TEN represents “THINGS EVERYONE/EVERYTHING NEEDS”. That is the list I should have written and have been neglecting to find out. So this is my beginning, my new start, my new journey, whatever you call it. 

I am releasing, Taking Everything Negative and trading it for Time Everyone Needs. For Time Exploring things Never before Noticed. I am going to find out the things I need, the things everything in this world needs. 

​This journey doesn’t have a countdown. It is everlasting, it is infinite. It is something we must all find for ourselves. It is something you must be willing to take one step, one breath at a time. 

Dear Readers, 
This is not a newspaper article. This is not a school report or any kind of media coverage about what's going on at my school. This is an address to Hampshire College's President, Jonathan Lash and how I feel about everything that has been happening. For those who do not understand what has been happening with my school, bascially, our institution made the decision to take down the U.S. American flag after it was burned overnight before veterans day as a response to the Trump Election. Since then, there have been many protests on campus, as well as threats to many faculty and people of color. Therefore, the president decided to put the flag back up. On the day he made that decision, and flew the flag again, I decided to write him an email about how I felt about this entire situation. Here it is below: 

Dear President J. Lash, 
I know how hard it must have felt to have a news reporter try to force his way into your house and pressure you to do something you didn't want to do. I understand how hard it must have been for a man of your color and age to experience such violent attacks. Last night, I went to sleep feeling very proud of the campus I am attending, whether or not it is being depicted in the media badly by delusional white supremacists and racists supporters of trump. I felt proud of the discussion and organizing that was going on around campus, within the people of color community and the progress being made with white people as allies. But today, I woke up to news that the flag put back up and I was disappointed. My first thought was that Lash had given in and let them win. He made their statement of: "Niggers will never prosper" come true. And that hurt me more than just putting the flag up. On Wednesday and maybe Thursday as well, you went around to classrooms asking people how they felt about the flag issue and what they think should be done about it. You were given several answers I presume and we already from the start knew what answer you were going to choose.
What frustrates ME, (and I say me because this is not a message for you to take into consideration that everyone came to a consensus upon, this is just the way I feel and wanted to let you know) the most about this entire thing is that not once did you ever really really support the people of color on this campus and the way we are being treated on this campus and in this community. For one, people of color have been experiencing what you only experience in one night and from that event, you GAVE UP instantly. Point black period, the moment that you as a white man of privilege experienced any type of harassment or threats or violent attacks that people of color have been experience FOREVER, you choose to give in to your privilege of choosing your race over your morals and doing the right thing  (which is to stand behind us in the fight and be a true ally) and that is what breaks my heart the most. Me as a person of color, I cannot do that. I cannot just choose my race and use my privilege to make my problems go away and that is life for me. You get to be safe now, when from the start, before and even after this flag event, I never was. I will never be safe as a queer, black women of color in this society. Ever. But at least you get to be. 
I as a student of this institution chose this college to attend because I believed that it was different from any other college I was thinking of applying to. The choice to attend this institution occurred to me in a dream because I really fell in the love with the idea of "disrupting education" and asking different questions about history and what it means to live in the United States as a person of color. I came here to build a vision of what the US SHOULD look like, and for a moment, I thought that that's what you would want to do to, but I guess I was wrong. I personally, as a individual and a student don't know what to do or where to go from here, but I know the fight will never stop. Just because you put the flag back up does not mean threats against people of color will cease to exist. Just because you put the flag back up doesn't mean these white supremacists and trump supporters will stop threatening and making fun of school. I AS A INDIVIDUAL feel like you have made matters worse. You have made those people who protested on Sunday and will protest this coming Sunday feel like its okay to treat people of color and others who do not conform to trump politics and ways of thinking unequal. You have made them believe that it is okay to threaten people and come on campus and intimidate people and make not just people of color feel unsafe, but everyone who is affected negatively by this trump presidency. That includes people of the LGBTQ community, the people of color community, the people who are undocumented immigrants,  the people who identify as Muslim, the people who identify as Semitic,  and everyone else who trump supporters feel like they can harm if they disagree. That's what I felt you have done with this decision. And I am just very disappointed. 
You may respond to this email directly to me because again I want to reiterate that this message represents the way I feel about this situation. I do not want you to just go out and say this represents the entire community of people of color, lgbtq, etc. I just want you to take into consideration that the decision you made to stand by the flag which represents so much hate and violence and racism and homophobia and etc, I just want you know the implications of what you've done and think about the steps you should want to take from here. Talk to us, listen to us, and actually CARE. NO MORE BS. This trump presidency is real. People are already dying, and as much as you think conforming and giving in helps, IT DOESN'T. It just shows us where you stand. I will leave you with one of my favorite and most important quotes that I have discovered so far while being at Hampshire College. I read a graphic novel for leisure at the library by Jim Demonakos and Mark Long. It was called The Silence of Our Friends. At the end of the book, there is a quote by Martin Luther King Jr that says: "In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. You should read it. I'll even give you the call number: PN6727.L67 S55 2012.  Thank you for your eyes and time. 
Sincerely, Rejjia Camphor
​P. S. I don't know if you remember me, but you sat in on Tinson's Freedom Dreams class. I am a Division I student and I was sitting right next to you that day. Do not hesitate to respond and talk to me.

I lived in the woodland apartment with the green splattered paints and windows with holes in them, made from my mother as an address call.

I lived in park heights, no black or sweet delights unless it was the now and laters bought from the store or the girls playing jump rope or dancing on the floor. 

I come from fried chicken, fat beef patties that lay between thick white bread that turned red when ketchup didn't do what it was suppose to when bitten into to. 

I was raised in Pimlico, had to catch the yellow bus home because bullies chased you home if you weren't tough enough. 

I grew up around vacant houses, empty like crackheads without crack, just their empty heads left to think about their children and their disappointments. 

I lived around east, where chaos reigned with childhood leased out to me, running away but never for a long stay. 

Remember baby bottle pop or push ups or sweet lived and icy frozen cups that Loretta from around the corner used to sell. 

Remember the neighborhood kids and that lady with the Jamaican house that smelled like cats and incense when you walked in. 

Remember you had to be home before the street lights came on. 

Remember granddad sat on the porch with his forty and hollered at the young shawty whose name was dreama.

Remember blue shirt, khaki pants, green pants, blue shirt, yellow shirt, khaki pants, now white or black shirts and khaki pants. Nothing has changed that much. 

Remember lighting bugs, catch them with your hands, dance and set them free. 

Grandma was set free. Mom didn't go drug free, mom forgot to hug me, love me. 

Kids continued to tug and bug me. Woodland apartments knocked down from floor three. 

Lived on Presbury st, lived on Presstman st, lived on Normount st, lived on Greenmount st, lived in Fredrick county, Lived on Longwood st, lived everywhere temporarily. 

Everyone knew Tammi. 
Everyone knew Debbie. 
Everyone knew about Mondawmin
Everyone knew Liberty Heights
Everyone knew Santa Marias
Everyone knew the Lords Church
Everyone knew Kellie and her kids
But nobody even really knew her. 
Nobody knew about how Otis died. 
Nobody knew about how much I cried. 
Nobody knew what happened to my cat, Sam?
Where am I bound to be, damn?

Untitled Midstate

Tupac once said that there’s a difference between “a bitch and a woman”.

A bitch will allow herself to be disrespected and dominated over. She will tell lies and gossip to other girls, and not care what contributions she makes in this society. She will also use her knowledge for unnecessary purposes and allow it to be wasted by the slang and terminology of rap music used against her. A bitch will be uncleansed and unorganized. A bitch can have no sense of pride or self-respect in herself and and or features/characteristics. And lastly a bitch will be controlled by the social environment in which she surrounds herself, thus becoming a loud barking female in which the word “bitch” is defined.
  
But a woman, a woman is much different. A woman takes pride in her appearance. She wants to be noticed and seen as an intellect by her environment. A woman will take responsibility in herself and the way she lives her lifestyle. She will make sure she provokes the impact she makes in this world. A woman will gladly set a man his pace, showing superiority to oneself on a professional level only. A woman will demand power, respect and equality. Lastly, a woman will be confided with the responsibility of representing what a strong intellectual female should be.  

As Tupac once said that “there is a difference between a bitch and a women. I love women, but I hate bitches.”

I hope you know and see it also. ​