So for some context, I am taking a class at my college called Public Solitude: Solo Theater. For one of my homework assignments, we had to choose a new beginning from a previous performance from one of our peers in class. I chose to explore the theme of being your own self-critic and holding the burden of the past. So I wrote this piece called TEN and it explores Ten things that I have never let go until now. For my piece, I gathered ten rocks, each different in size representing every number up to ten. I placed them in a row on the floor in a line. And for each number, I read what burden it represented and placed that rock in the backpack and put it upon my shoulder. I did this for each number until I got to ten, with all the rocks in the bag representing ten. Then after that, I breathed ten times in and out and drop the bag and the burden and began a new start of TEN. Here is the piece below:
One is the number of boyfriends I have had ever because for some reason, I believe that I don’t deserve love, even though I know I do.
Two is for the too too many times I’ve been told I’m not black enough, not pretty enough, not capable enough, not worthy enough.
Three is the number of times I’ve restarted writing this piece because I want it to be perfect, but I keep forgetting there’s no such thing. Remember, No Judgement, No Comparison, No Expectations
Four is the number of close friends I have here even if they never take a word I say seriously
Five is the number of mental breakdowns I’ve had since I was 12 years old.
Six is the number of times I cry in a day for a number of reasons I cannot begin to explain right now because it’s still somewhat unclear to me.
Seven is the years it took me to understand that my grandfather’s death was not my fault
Eight is the number of years I’ve been writing poetry even if recently I haven’t written anything because I feel so lost, so empty, just nothing.
Nine is for the number of ways I’ve envisioned I could kill myself if I ever did decide to, but I know that I won’t because I don’t have the courage and I’m not ready to face and find out what happens after I die because I’m afraid
Ten is for the tens and millions of times I’ve had to tell myself “I Love You” because it was neglected to be told from certain people in my life. Ten is the number of breaths it takes for me to inhale and be alright. Ten is the number of steps it takes for me to start again.
TEN represents “THINGS EVERYONE/EVERYTHING NEEDS”. That is the list I should have written and have been neglecting to find out. So this is my beginning, my new start, my new journey, whatever you call it.
I am releasing, Taking Everything Negative and trading it for Time Everyone Needs. For Time Exploring things Never before Noticed. I am going to find out the things I need, the things everything in this world needs.
This journey doesn’t have a countdown. It is everlasting, it is infinite. It is something we must all find for ourselves. It is something you must be willing to take one step, one breath at a time.
One is the number of boyfriends I have had ever because for some reason, I believe that I don’t deserve love, even though I know I do.
Two is for the too too many times I’ve been told I’m not black enough, not pretty enough, not capable enough, not worthy enough.
Three is the number of times I’ve restarted writing this piece because I want it to be perfect, but I keep forgetting there’s no such thing. Remember, No Judgement, No Comparison, No Expectations
Four is the number of close friends I have here even if they never take a word I say seriously
Five is the number of mental breakdowns I’ve had since I was 12 years old.
Six is the number of times I cry in a day for a number of reasons I cannot begin to explain right now because it’s still somewhat unclear to me.
Seven is the years it took me to understand that my grandfather’s death was not my fault
Eight is the number of years I’ve been writing poetry even if recently I haven’t written anything because I feel so lost, so empty, just nothing.
Nine is for the number of ways I’ve envisioned I could kill myself if I ever did decide to, but I know that I won’t because I don’t have the courage and I’m not ready to face and find out what happens after I die because I’m afraid
Ten is for the tens and millions of times I’ve had to tell myself “I Love You” because it was neglected to be told from certain people in my life. Ten is the number of breaths it takes for me to inhale and be alright. Ten is the number of steps it takes for me to start again.
TEN represents “THINGS EVERYONE/EVERYTHING NEEDS”. That is the list I should have written and have been neglecting to find out. So this is my beginning, my new start, my new journey, whatever you call it.
I am releasing, Taking Everything Negative and trading it for Time Everyone Needs. For Time Exploring things Never before Noticed. I am going to find out the things I need, the things everything in this world needs.
This journey doesn’t have a countdown. It is everlasting, it is infinite. It is something we must all find for ourselves. It is something you must be willing to take one step, one breath at a time.
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